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I’ve spent the last couple of weeks trying to assemble my feelings about tandem nursing into some kind of coherent post. Most days I felt like writing a huge list of all of the reasons why I hate it. But then I read this beautiful essay about tandem nursing and realized that I needed to adjust my attitude, big time.

I’ve always had an easy time nursing. H was a little reluctant to latch on for the first day or two, and I was confused and had zero confidence when it came to breastfeeding, but once we got over that things went smoothly. No latch issues, no pain, nothing but happy nursing. The happy nursing continued throughout my pregnancy and even during labor. And then my baby was here and the hormones took over.

Once I had my sweet, new baby in my arms nursing my toddler felt at best annoying and at worst disgusting. And I felt guilty and miserable.

It’s pretty common for this to happen. It’s the new baby hormones coursing through my veins. My body is trying to protect the new baby and make sure she gets enough to eat. My nursing toddler doesn’t understand this though, and even if he did I doubt he’d care. His little world has been turned upside down and nursing is the only thing that truly reassures him. He nurses more than ever. He nurses like a newborn again.

After a few weeks of us constantly fighting and crying about it I decided, just like the mom in the essay, to allow myself to give in fully to H’s new, intense need to nurse. I mean, it’s not like I’d deny him anything else he so desperately needed. Once I did that things got a little better. It still drives me nuts most of the time, but I know we’ll get through it ok. Someday all too soon he’ll be all grown up. Someday he won’t climb into my lap and say “mommy, hug you!”. Someday he won’t need to nurse anymore.

As far as nursing H and A at the same time goes it’s physically easier than it sounds. We have a comfy chair we all pile into that works great. I can tandem nurse them in bed pretty easily too. Here’s a picture of us tandem nursing, if you are curious. I am not at the point where I enjoy it yet. I do it because I have to, because it’s practical. It definitely has it’s sweet moments though, like when they hold hands or drift off to sleep gazing into each others eyes. Lately they’ve started grinning and giggling at each other while they nurse. It’s heart meltingly sweet.

Someday I hope I’ll be in a place where I love it as much as they do.

I’ve always heard that going from one to two kids is hard; that it’s a huge adjustment. But really, I thought going from zero to one was a lot harder.

First of all, the recovery from this birth was so much faster and easier. It feels weird to even call it a recovery, because I was walking around the next day saying “This is so weird. I don’t even feel like I had a baby yesterday!”. The postpartum period has been a lot easier this time around too. I had postpartum arthritis after H was born and was in pain 24 hours a day until he was 7 months old. I stupidly never mentioned the pain to my midwife because, well, I thought I was crazy. And I thought it was just from exhaustion. But it turns out that occasionally after you have a baby your immune system, which is suppressed during pregnancy, can rebound and overcompensate. I didn’t really appreciate how miserable I was until it *didn’t* happen this time. All I can do is marvel at how great I feel!

I’ve also had a lot more energy this time around, which I can only attribute to having a 2 yr old who has never once slept through the night. I’m used to functioning with less sleep now. It doesn’t bug me like it used to. It’s just part of my lifestyle now. I’m a mom. I get peed on, barfed on, and woken up at all hours of the night.

Getting out of the house isn’t as hard as I thought it would be. We actually manage to make it out of the house almost every day. Naturally, both kids tend to poop and want to nurse as soon as we’re ready to go so we’re never on time for anything but as long as we get out the door I call it a win.

And OMG, can I just say how nice it is to kind of know what I’m doing this time around?

The only hard parts have been the occasional moments of sorrow when I think about how my relationship with H will never be the same- he’ll never have me all to himself again. And more sadness when I think that A will never have what her brother had as a baby. We won’t be able to snuggle together for hours and hours. She’ll sometimes have to wait when she needs me if I’m taking care of her brother. Those parts have been kind of hard to get used to, but the other side of the coin is that they get to have a sibling. Someone to play with and argue with and someday complain about how annoying their parents are with.

H and A get along great so far. H is the sweetest big brother a girl could ask for. He loves his little sister, and he tells her so all the time. He even occasionally suggests that they get married. He hasn’t tried to hurt her once, although sometimes when he gets frustrated he tells me that he wants to. But luckily frustrations are infrequent. He’s doing great with sharing mommy and learning about taking turns. He’s still nursing, which I think helps a lot. Tandem nursing is HARD though (on me) and really deserves a post all of it’s own.

Baby A is a month old now. Wow! Already. She’s a lovely little girl. She loves to nurse and ride around in the sling. She’s a lot like H was as a baby, very mellow and easy to settle. She spends a couple of hours snuggling with daddy every night while I get H to sleep and she is already such a daddy’s girl! She loves the sound of his voice and will sometimes only be soothed by him. I think this is great! I was also a daddy’s girl. I have such fond memories of cuddling with my dad. I’m glad that A will have those memories too.

I’m having tons of fun with all of the girl clothes. Oh my. I hate to admit it, but I love sticking her in a silly, impractical dress! (Her grandmothers have provided her with a very pink, very frilly wardrobe.) For the most part she wears H’s old tshirts and longies but it’s FUN FUN FUN to get her all dressed up. There’s been girly knitting too. Oh, I am in heaven. Ruffles on everything from here on out. I draw the line at those weird baby headbands with giant bows or flowers though. I swear I’ll never put one of those on her! (plus T has already made me promise not to.)